By now you realize that most of your dating problems have
come from the dumb things you’ve done that wreck seduction situations. You’ve
been being a friend, or treating a woman like you would a guy, or being
indecisive.
Let’s look at the
top mistakes men make going for the first kiss, and show you how to avoid them.
Here’s a very dumb
thing that you may be tempted to do: tell your date that you have a seduction
book, are studying it, and intend to use the techniques on her! You may think
no one would be this dumb, but we’ve known plenty of men who’ve done it.
Needless to say, she won’t want to kiss you after that. Don’t tell her you are
seducing her.
There’s no
shortage of ways to offend a woman you are on a date with. A Cosmopolitan
magazine article gives a few examples of stupid things men have said or done on
first dates:
* The
man who asked his date, "Why is it that all the good women are
taken?"
* The
man who said, "I’m so intrigued by the mind of a serial killer. The rage
and passion he must feel while actually killing someone is fascinating to
me."
* The
man who offended (and mystified) his date by saying, "I shower four times
a day. I have to."
* The
man who felt compelled to admit that, "When I have sex with a woman, I
always have to imagine I’m with someone else."
* The
man who said about marriage, "I’m not a big fan of the institution
myself."
* The
man who said about his ex-girlfriend, "Some people just need
hitting."
* The
man who invited a woman for dinner at his house, and at the end of the date
said, "To keep this relationship devoid of any sense of anyone owing
anyone anything, why don’t you pay your half?" He then presented her with
an itemized bill of what he spent.
You can also
alienate a woman by discussing your love of pornography, commenting on other
women’s bodies, or taking a position on a political or gender issue that she
profoundly disagrees with.
You can further
offend her by lighting a cigar (unless she lights one first), or having a
prolonged scratching session in your pants or under your arm.
If you do
something that offends her deeply, back off at once, apologize briefly if you
think it will help, and go on with the date as if nothing happened. Sadly, you
often won’t know if you’ve offended her. She won’t tell you; she’ll simply
write you off, and get away from you as quickly as she can. She certainly won’t
kiss you.
This is a common
problem for men who want to get to the bottom line, and "get down to
business." You may have this problem if you are used to the business
world, or are just very practical.
Men who fall into
this trap have a harder time than others accepting that they must go out of
their way to make a woman feel special. They see all the work involved as
false, manipulative, and dishonest. They don’t like it one bit, and seem set on
proving us wrong.
Sadly for them, we
aren’t wrong, and when the practical-minded man approaches a woman for a kiss,
she inevitably ends up rejecting him. She tells him that he seems too
"cold and calculating," which he is. Remember this: you want to be
warm and kind, not cold and calculating. This is achieved by being romantic,
doing the little things, and following the guidelines laid out in this book.
When you decide to
go for the kiss, go for it! Whatever method you use, this is the time when he
who hesitates is lost. Women want a strong, decisive man, and that is never
more evident than on the first kiss.
This does not mean
that you become overly forceful, or that you ignore her if she protests. If she
doesn’t want to be kissed, of course don’t kiss her. But you shouldn’t weasel around
about it. If you’ve done the pre-work, and she’s passed the tests, go for it!
When Pete
eventually gets that first kiss, he thanks his date! This is a mistake. You can
say, "that was very nice," but don’t act like she’s doing you a favor
that is any bigger than the one you are doing her.
Giving up is
almost always worse for the seduction than any mistake you made. Men often get
flustered if a conversation doesn’t go well, if she becomes offended, or if she
seems suspicious of your romantic questions.
Remember, she’s
either going to respond to you, or she isn’t. It doesn’t mean anything about
you. If you get flustered, you can often pretend nothing happened, and move on.
She may be looking to you for verification that the date is still okay, even if
there was an awkward moment or odd exchange. If you don’t give up, she’ll see
that things are fine, and probably relax.
Every seduction
has its own pace. You can destroy the effectiveness of any of the technology in
this book by doing it too hard, too fast, and too inexpertly. We know this may
be hard to hear, coming as it does after hundreds of pages telling you how
important it is that you take action in the seduction, but it’s still true. You
must take action, and you must also move at her pace.
Practically
speaking, you must learn to pay attention to her responses. If she is consistently
resistive and unresponsive, you may be scaring her, making her angry by pushing
too hard, too quickly. Slow down and back off a bit.
If she
says that you are coming on too strong, don’t worry. It’s great that she gave
you the feedback. Remember that she’s not necessarily telling you to stop
seducing her, she’s probably just telling you to slow down.
Just say something
like, "Am I coming on too strong? Sorry," and compliment her.
"It’s just that you seem like a great woman. I’ll slow things down."
By saying this type of thing, you’ve shown her that you were only moving so
fast because she’s so great. By reassuring her that you will slow down, you
also acknowledge that you are seducing her, and will continue. If she accepts
this the entire interaction will move the seduction forward.
Women like subtly.
They don’t like aggressive surprises that seem to come out of nowhere. Your
first kiss should be the culmination of a long sequence of demonstrations of
your sensitivity to her. If your kiss surprises her and seems "out of the
blue," she’ll conclude you are insensitive and not desire you.
The solution is to
distinguish between your desire and romantic-feeling moments, which will come
and go. Make sure you kiss her in a romantic moment, not just because you are
horny. Using the "announce" method will give her at a few moments to
prepare herself for kissing you.
Many women have
told us about men who wrecked kisses, they would have succeeded with, by
tongue-kissing too hard, too soon. The first kiss is a gentle peck, not a long
French kiss. The gentle kiss acts as a prelude to a longer, more intense one.
After Bruce first kissed Wendy, she said, "that was the most gentle kiss
I’ve ever had." That’s the kind of response you also want.
It’s no use doing
all the pre-work, passing all the tests, and really establishing a connection
with a woman if you are just going to ruin it by having bad breath or tasting
bad. A huge number of women have told us that men have gone to kiss them, and
they were disgusted by bad breath. You must not let this happen to you.
The solution is to
make good breath a priority on a date. But -- this is important -- never squirt
a breath spray into your mouth in front of a woman. For reasons we don’t
understand, women find this a total turn-off. If you have to secretly bring a
toothbrush and toothpaste to the date, and excuse yourself to use them after
dinner, do so (though don’t tell her you brought them). Most of the time, using
some kind of breath-freshener, gums, or breath mint, will suffice.
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